Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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