my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
