Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
