i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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