Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
