but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
