As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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