Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
