I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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