yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
