at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
