Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
