The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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