I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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