she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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