I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
