Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
