I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
