there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
