considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
