She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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