Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
