Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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