im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
