1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
