Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
