Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
