At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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