a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
