Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
