but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
