Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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