I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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