omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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