three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
