How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
