Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
