i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
