If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
