His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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