I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is wine microwaveable?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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