She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
