Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
how does that bad decision feel?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
