If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
