I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
