I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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