What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
