I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
