I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
