i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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