with your own penis?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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